First Name
by Colt401
Summary: Roy doesn't call Hughes by his first name. Here's why.


**I swear if anyone ever talks to me about FMAB, I will literally go on a rant about how much I love it. Anyway, here's an angsty little oneshot. Enjoy!**

 **Don't own FMAB but I wish I did. All rights go to Hiromu Arakawa.**

 **Read and Review!**

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The air stunk of decaying corpses. Blood stained sand spread out endlessly in front of him as Maes stared at his feet. He was still reeling over the people he had killed just earlier that day. He looked up from his thoughts just in time to see a figure cross in front of him. Standing up in surprise, he called out,

"Roy! Roy Mustang!"

The figure stopped and turned and Maes' heart sank. He had hoped at the very least, Roy had not been deployed to this hell on earth.

But then again, Roy was a State Alchemist. He _had_ to have been deployed.

Silently, the younger turned to go and Maes followed. They both could use a break from the carnage.

"Hughes…"

"I told you, Roy. It's Maes. We're friends, right? It's ok to call me by first name."

"I know, Hughes, it's just…"

"I know, Roy. You don't need to tell me." He shook his head, deciding that this wasn't the time to go into this. "How are you doing?"

"As well can be expected."

Maes observed his friend. The young major now looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Your eyes have changed."

Roy looked up. "As have yours, Hughes. We both have the eyes of a murderer."

The glint on Maes' glasses disappeared, revealing dark bags under Maes' tormented green eyes. "That's what hell will do to you, I suppose."

The two stood in silence for some time before Roy whispered quietly, "Why are we fighting this war, Hughes?"

The older man took a deep breath and surveyed the carnage in front of him. The silence that stood between the two men now was a brief reprieve from the constant sound of gunfire, artillery cannons, and alchemic reactions.

"Because we've been ordered to, I suppose," Maes said finally.

"Why have I been ordered to kill the people of my country?"

"Roy…"

"Hughes… With one snap, hundreds of innocent people die. And for what? For defending themselves from injustice and murderers. We're not soldiers, Hughes. We're _murderers_." The Flame Alchemist looked shakily at his gloved hands.

"These hands have been dyed with the blood of hundreds, maybe even thousands." He looked up, a crazed and guilty look in his eyes. "How sad is that, Hughes? I don't even know how many people I've killed. I'm sure _they_ all knew who killed them. It's hard not to," he laughed bitterly.

"Roy! You don't have a choice! You're a member of the Amestrian military and have no choice but to follow orders without question unless you want to get court martialed! You'd have to give up your dream of doing something for your country!"

"I no longer have the right to do such a thing," Roy said sullenly.

Maes grit his teeth and hoisted Roy up by his lapels. Roy's tired eyes met his and Maes could clearly see the torment, guilt, and despair swimming in Roy's black eyes. Sighing, he lowered his best friend back down.

"I don't think so. I think that someone who has known war has the first-hand experience of how awful it truly is. I think someone like that will be able to do more good for their country instead of someone who has never known this despair."

"Hughes…"

"I'll support you, Roy. You know I will. But you need to help yourself too."

Roy looked down silently. It wasn't long before the Flame Alchemist raised his head, eyes blazing with determination.

"Hughes. Thank you."

"Always. And call me Maes, Roy."

The dark-haired alchemist gave him a weak smile, but it was the most hopeful thing that Maes had seen since coming to Ishval.

"Major Mustang! Captain Hughes! Lunch is over! Get back to work!" Basque Gran called out. With a sharp salute, both men moved to obey.

* * *

Maes stood with Roy on the sands of Ishval. The war was finally over and both he, Roy and that girl Hawkeye were lucky enough to have survived.

"In the end, we made it back ok," Maes said.

Roy turned to him. "At what cost?"

Maes solemnly looked away.

"I wanted to protect the people of my country," Roy continued. "But one human can only do so much. That's why I'm going to protect those close to me as best I can. One subordinate will protect their subordinates and so forth. That's the least we puny humans should be able to do."

Maes smiled. "That's the Roy Mustang I know," he said fondly. "Let me know how to help, Roy, and I will."

"Hughes…"

"I keep telling you to call me Maes, Roy!"

"Ah… right. Sorry."

"I swear, it'll be the day I die before you call me by my first name," Maes frowned.

"Don't be so grim, Hughes. You're going to live a long life."

* * *

Roy stood alone in front of the grave. Many people had come to pay their respects to the man who had been his best friend. But Roy? He couldn't even bring himself to do that. Bringing flowers was like solidifying the fact that Hughes was dead.

"Promoted two ranks posthumously as a result of dying in the line of action. I thought you were supposed to stay below me to support me, Hughes. You can't do that if you're a higher rank than me, you idiot," he laughed wetly.

Roy knelt in front of the grave and ran his hands over the neatly engraved name, his fingers coming to rest on the "M" of "Maes".

"I never told you, Hughes, the reason why I don't call people by their first names. It's because… I'm scared. I'm scared that you're all going to be in danger. I'm scared that people will realize how much I care about you all and hurt you. I've made so many enemies. There are so many people out there who would take any chance they had to bring me down. That's why… I make everything impersonal. I can't stand the thought of you all being hurt because of me. Riza, Jean, Vato, Kain, Heymans… and you.

"But it's already too late for you, isn't it, Hughes? You stuck your nose into something that was bigger than you because you wanted to help those boys." He laughed cynically. "That's exactly like you."

"Colonel?" Hawkeye's voice sounded behind him. Roy stood but didn't turn to face her.

"Hawkeye," he acknowledged.

"…Are you alright, sir?"

"Yes…" he managed. He moved to replace his officer's hat. "It's a terrible day for rain, Hawkeye."

"It's not raining, sir," her voice said, laced with confusion.

No, she was wrong. It was definitely raining. Why else would his vision be so blurry?

"Yes. It is."

There was a pause before Hawkeye responded, "So it is. Let's go back. We might catch a chill."

Roy nodded and dropped his head. His hand brushed against the headstone one last time. He let out a bitter chuckle.

"Looks like you were right, Maes. It truly is the day you die that I call you by your first name." He took a deep breath.

"Goodbye… Maes."

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 **Hope you enjoyed. Leave me some reviews if you have time :)**


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